Scientists Baffled By Mysterious Brain Functions Emitting From de Valera’s Cryogenic Tank


A TEAM of cryogenic scientists working at the top-secret laboratory which houses the bodies of Irish historical figures have announced that they can find no explanation for what appears to be brain activity occurring in the tank occupied by the corpse of Eamon de Valera.

A spokesperson for the Irish Cryogenic Society (ICS) admitted that his team are “baffled” by the strange activity, and refused to rule out the possibility that de Valera may be coming back to life.

“We’ve got about 20 key historical figures housed here, ranging from Douglas Hyde to Maud Gonne,” said Dr. Jim Hennessy, ICS spokesperson.

“And they’re frozen as solid as they were when they were first submerged in liquid nitrogen less than an hour after their deaths. Needless to say, we were all taken aback when Dev’s charts started showing signs of brain activity, as this kind of thing is pretty unprecedented. We’ve checked our diagnostic equipment a dozen times, and there’s only one explanation; the long fella is waking up”.

Doubts are starting to grow that de Valera may not have been dead when he was frozen at the age of 92 on the 29th of August, 1975. Having left specific instructions to be cryogenically preserved, orderlies at the convalescence home where he had been staying may have hastily contacted the ICS without fully checking the former president had in fact passed away. Dr. Hennessy has made the decision to thaw de Valera out, which he admits is a risky task.

“If he’s not alive, this will kill him,” admitted Hennessy, while holding a hairdryer up to de Valera’s tank.