All Movies Now Three Hours Long For Some Reason


SCIENTISTS have today announced utter bafflement as to how the average length of every movie released these days seems to be north of three hours.

Details of a recent study have revealed that every movie must be “an epic” for some reason, with even lighthearted romantic comedies pushing the 180 minute mark for no discernible reason.

Although long running times are nothing new for motion pictures, they were usually reserved for huge, sweeping productions such as Gone With the Wind or The Godfather. However, in recent times, nearly every big-budget flick has pushed the three hour mark, despite their stories and plots not needing anywhere near that amount of time to be told.

The extra running time has led audiences to dwindle, as a trip to see the latest blockbuster nearly requires them to book a day off work.

“There’s no good fucking reason a Transformers movie need to be three hours long,” said Dr. Mike Kirrobillosque, chief spokesperson for the Movie Duration Study.

“Bear in mind, this is all before you sit through trailers and ads. Not only that, movies seem to insist on putting extra bits after the credits, which audiences feel compelled to wait around on. So it’s not good enough that you just watched a superhero punch another superhero for the same time as it would take to watch two games of football; you now have to sit through another ten minutes of credits to see a 10 second scene setting up another three hour movie”.

Kirrobillosque went on to state that he would watch the new James Bond movie at home over the course of two nights when it came out on DVD, rather than spend four hours driving to the cinema and back to see it.

“No call for it at all”, he concluded.