Government Roll Out 250 New ‘Scare Gardaí’ To Tackle Rural Crime


MORE than 250 new ‘Scare Gardaí’ will be erected across the country over the coming weeks in a bid to tackle the “scourge” of criminal gangs and rural crime.

Minister for Justice Frances Fitzgerald announced an allocation of €59 million to build 256 straw-filled scarecrows, all brandishing Garda uniforms to deter would-be criminals from operating in rural communities.

Ms Fitzgerald said the new tactic will free up local gardaí to deal with more important issues, like protecting water meter installations, and will cost significantly less than relocating “real guards” to “boring rural communities”.

“Scare Gardaí don’t need to be fed, housed or even trained,” the Justice Minister explained. “People don’t need to fear anymore as there will be ten scare gardaí erected in every single county from January next year,” adding. “You’re welcome, culchies.”

Earlier this month a meeting of landowners grabbed headlines as 3,000 attendees shared stories of how they have been personally affected by crime, with many fearing for their lives as criminal gangs are running riot without any consequence.

“I suppose it’s better than nothing,” said Tipperary farmer Tadhg Kennedy, who has been burgled 12 times since the start of the year. “At least they won’t be breathalyzing people coming home from the pub.”

Each scare guard will be equipped with an internal speaker system that will deter thieves with several pre-recorded commands including ‘go way and stop acting the bollocks’ and ‘halt, our nearest garda unit is just 55 minutes away’.