School Crush Sets Local Boy Up Perfectly For Lifetime Of Rejection

A YOUNG Waterford boy with a massive crush on one of his classmates will go through life perfectly accustomed to rejection, heartbreak and failure after having his advances spurned during a colouring-in session.

Phillip Breen, 6, had offered his green crayon to Millie Deegan, also 6, as the duo sat and coloured in a picture depicting “what I did at the weekend” in St. Grace’s National School, Tramore.

Deegan, described by Phillip as “the prettiest girl in school and maybe the world”, dismissed the offer of the crayon, stressing that she had her own crayons and that Breen’s crayons “had his smell on them”.

This crushing blow was enough to teach the young man exactly what life has in store, and how you should never allow yourself to show any kind of emotion, because emotion is weakness and weakness only leads to heartbreak.

“Never let them see you bleed,” said Breen, drinking a Robinson’s Fruit Shoot and staring out across the playground at little break.

“You put your heart out there, and they just stomp all over it. Not for Phillip Breen, this thing they call love. From now on, it’s just me on my own, walking down this cold hard road that they call life”.

Experts predict that Phillip will experience this level of rejection at least 35 more times in his life, based on the national average for heartbreak and unrequited love.