Homeless Crisis Solved As Taoiseach Chats With Homeless Man For 20 Minutes


AFTER revealing to a Fine Gael Presidential dinner at the weekend that he had spent 20 minutes speaking with a homeless man at the weekend, the Taoiseach added this morning that the homeless crisis was now over.

“I had a feeling it would be a brief anecdote about honouring a homeless man with my presence that would crack this whole homeless thing,” the Taoiseach explained to attending media, “and I was right”.

While the media have been unable to locate the homeless man the Taoiseach talked with, it is believed the varied causes of homelessness in Ireland evaporated into thin air after the Fine Gael leader lent the homeless man his ear.

“We can confirm that the other 3,094 homeless people in Dublin have found permanent living quarters since the Taoiseach sat down with the Merrion Square man,” an aid to the Taoiseach confirmed, “if only we had realised it was so simple before this”.

The substance of the 20 minute conversation with a figment of his imagination is believed to have been highly revealing and as such the Taoiseach was able to use the conversation to eradicate a problem which requires Government, local authorities, homeless groups and society as a whole to reconsider best practice when combatting homelessness.

“Look, it’s very easy. It’s not about listening to homeless charity groups. It’s not about allocating more money or only building 4,000 houses a year in Dublin, a city which requires according to experts at least 10,000 to be built per year. It’s just about shooting the shit with some lad freezing his bollocks off in Merrion Square,” confirmed the Taoiseach.

Cynically derided by opposition parties as a simple PR exercise, all opposition parties leaders have said they weren’t just simply angry they had not thought of the PR opportunity themselves first.