5 Signs Your Halloween Costume Isn’t Slutty Enough
WITH Halloween fast approaching, many people are busying themselves with the task of finding the perfect costume, but sadly so many make the mistake of not choosing a costume that is slutty enough. Luckily WWN is here to highlight 5 instances that really show you that your costume just ain’t hitting the slutty heights it should.
1) Halloween is all about letting people know you have flesh and certain parts of the body that they may not have been aware of previously, but there are occasions in which people don’t go far enough.
You have picked out your piece of pop culture perfection in the guise of a Breaking Bad costume or a Ghostbusters uniform, but if you’re not showing the slightest hint of ball sack, then what is the point. Perform the ‘ball sack check’ before deciding on your outfit’s final state.
A few lunges and star jumps should conclusively prove whether or not this outfit is slutty enough to accidentally show off your bollock from time to time.
2) A good way to see if your costume is slutty enough is to take it on a trial run down to the shops on a weekday morning. If a stroll through the aisles of your local Tesco doesn’t result in any shopper breaking out into an impromptu masturbation routine, then you are doing it all wrong.
3) Over the years we can, on occasion, take our skimpy outfits for granted. However, what was once shockingly provocative, maybe today’s boring and safe Aran sweater. You need to move with the times, and stay ahead of the slutty curve.
Before the big night, make sure to casually saunter into the sitting room in your parents house, and if neither parent suffers a devastating heart attack upon catching sight of you I’m afraid it’s back to the drawing board.
4) Is your genitalia at risk of hitting off people as you walk about the streets, or at a crowded house party? If the answer is no, then, let’s be honest – you need to wise up.
5) Does your costume draw the eye towards your anus? Well, it may be time to cut a hole in that costume of yours, and politely paint several arrows on your body which guides the eye helpfully to that location.