WE’VE all been there, one minute you’re in the middle of a sweet and peaceful slumber and then before you know what’s what, you’re in the grips of a hellishly awful dream that places you in peril and seems as real as can be.
Well, WWN is on hand to help identify 6 tell tale signs that it’s not a real life nightmare, but in fact a normal, regular horrifying nightmare that you can wake up from:
1) It’s the middle of the night and your mate Alan is banging on the door, he’s covered in blood and rambling on about killing the Pope after losing to him in a high stakes poker game in Las Vegas.
To any reasonable person, this bad dream would seem terrifyingly real, however, what you’re failing to acknowledge is that your friend Alan, whom you’ve known since junior infant looks like and talks exactly like George Clooney. Panic over he didn’t really kill the Pope. Well, the not current one anyway, but you sore you’d never tell anyone about that one.
2) You’re deep in the trenches of the battlefield, in behind enemy lines you shoot and kill countless Nazis and kick Hitler so hard in the testicles that they fly clean off. Then you heroically rescue 40 single women who happen to be at the peak of their sexual powers, what were the odds they’d all be taking a shower at the same time and be using excessive amounts of baby oil?
You’re soon made president of the world for your efforts, and without previously showing any hint at possessing the ability to fly you launch yourself into the sky to save your family who were kidnapped by aliens. But, wait a second, at the banquet celebrating your new status as president of the world, you ate strawberry jelly for dessert. You fucking hate strawberry jelly.
3) There’s a persistent rustle under your bed sheets that has piqued your interest. You lift the sheets to find the entire cast of ‘Magic Mike 2: Sure We’ve No Clothes Left’ treating you like the love goddess you are. Each gorgeous actor takes the time to pleasure you while at the same time telling you that you’re much better looking than Siobhan in accounts and that you deserve that promotion.
Suddenly, your husband comes bursting through the door, angry as hell. But, how to spot that there is just one small, seemingly insignificant detail that would alert you the fact that perhaps this isn’t really happening? Sure, in your dream it’s a Tuesday at 7.30pm, and that’s when your husband is off playing Astroturf with lads sure, he’s never home before 9pm.
4) You’re in the middle of an important meeting and all your teeth fall out, but this one is an easy spot as you’ve been banned from attending all important meetings with clients since your teeth did fall out shortly after you returned from Bulgaria with all that cheap dental work done.
5) Unaware that you’re soundly asleep. Your bad dream has you standing over the toilet in a panic.However, you’ll realise this isn’t true when you wake up to find you’ve pissed yourself.
6) Oh God, not again! You’re sitting the Leaving Cert, English Paper 2 and you’re drenched in sweat. Miss Murphy is cackling in your direction and shouting ‘you dense idiot, I always knew you’d fail’. Just as you put pen to paper the doors of the exam hall burst open, flooding the room with torrents of blood, but how can you possibly spot that this is 47th time you’ve had this dream? You didn’t study Hamlet that year, and ha, didn’t Miss Murphy have a breakdown before Christmas after her husband left her, she didn’t come back to school after that.