Cold Winter Expected To Kill Off The Homeless In Time For Spring Election


FOLLOWING an announcement by An Taoiseach Enda Kenny today, dozens of homeless men, women and children are expected to die off over the cold winter months, eradicating the issue just in time for the next election in the Spring.

The welcome news has come after yet another embarrassing death on the streets of the Nation’s capital, right in front of a busy Starbucks cafe on Westmoreland Street.

“We expect homeless figures to drop dramatically over the next few months, so it’s a win-win situation for the coalition,” Labour leader Joan Burton said today. “A November election would have been a terrible move due to the 5,000 odd people currently homeless in Ireland.”

With temperatures of -10 predicted in some areas across the country this winter, many homeless people will just simply die off, leaving a nice 20-30% drop in homelessness.

“I really didn’t think of it before until Joan suggested it,” Mr. Kenny admitted. “Hopefully my party members will understand the logic behind it and welcome the spring date with open arms. Besides, the whole Irish Water thing should be well died down by then.”

The statement came after Mr Kenny refused to rule out a November election on four separate occasions last week, causing a public strain with the Labour party.

One Fine Gael source said: “A November election would have been perfect with tomorrow’s Budget give away, but I can now see where they’re coming from; there’s too many degenerates dying on the streets right now. Good call.”