Nation’s Larrys No Longer All That Happy

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A GREY morning. A solitary, solemn figure walks towards the gates of Leinster House with a petition under his arm. The man’s name is Larry Kilbride and he is head of the country’s little known Happy As Larrys Network or HALN for short, however, sadly the smiles are long gone.

“We started HALN back in the early 80s, we just enjoyed the company of fellow Larrys and, eh, ha, we’d get fairly rowdy on occasion,” Kilbride explained to WWN of a time which seems so long ago to the 59-year-old, that it might as well have never happened at all.

From these notorious parties held around the country, the phrase ‘happy as Larry’ was born, the rip-roaring drink-fuelled merriment was infectious and often non-Larrys were dragged into the fun and soon they too shone with an effervescent happiness that was almost irrepressible.

“Ah, we were quite proud, I have to say, that as a small group we could encourage that boisterous smile, or a satisfied grin, and the ‘happy as Larry’ phrase was a huge compliment and honour, but that’s all behind us now,” a dejected Kilbride confessed.

The petition he brought to Leinster House was signed by 4,546 Irish Larrys, over 90% of the Irish Larry population and asked that the Government remove the phrase ‘happy as Larry’ from the official list of Registered Phrases and Sayings.

“We just want to be honest and say that as the years have gone on we’re less and less delighted, ya know,” Kilbride explained with a sullen expression, “I’m so busy these days with work I don’t really meet up with the Larrys anymore and some of them are awful grumps”.

“It hasn’t helped that the least happy of us, Larry Mullen, has gone on to be the most successful, would it have killed him to crack a smile behind that bloody drum kit?”

HALN expect an answer from the Government within weeks, and if their petition is successful, the phrase ‘happy as Larry’ will be phased out to be permanently replaced with ‘happy as a pig in shit’.

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