Execution Postponed While Officials Decide How Best To Murder Human Being


THE death of Richard Glossip was last night put on hold by the Governor of Oklahoma, as officials work out the best way to kill the potentially innocent inmate.

Glossip, convicted of ordering the murder of a motel owner in 1997, was scheduled to be put down last night via a poisonous injection.

However, a debate about the correct dosage of poison led to the postponing of the murder, as officials feared a repeat of the 2014 killing of Clayton Lockett, who thrashed around in pain for nearly an hour on the stretcher instead of dying quietly like he was supposed to.

“I guess we have to hold up on nixing this lad until we’re sure we can do it with no fuss,” said one annoyed prison official, who had worn his special killing gloves for nothing.

“Anything for an easy life I suppose. The last thing any of us needs is to kill this guy and then have to sit through hours of paperwork explaining why he kicked up such a ruckus”.

As Glossip continues to protest his innocence and pressure mounts from protest groups outside the prison, state officials are hoping to have their shit in order by the middle of November, at which point they’re optimistic about killing the 52-year-old in a prompt and orderly fashion.