100m Sprint Record Broken By Driver Who Crashed With No Insurance

MOVE over Usain Bolt, there’s a new record-breaker in town! Onlookers who arrived at the scene of a traffic collision in Dundalk this morning have confirmed that an as-yet-unidentified young man shattered the 100m record as he fled from the scene of the accident.

Witnesses say that a Ford Focus collided with traffic lights on the Castletown road in the early hours of this morning, after being spotted driving erratically on approach.

As people rushed to the scene to help the young driver out of the wreckage, he was heard to say “fuck this, I’ve no insurance”, and with that he set off running into a nearby field.

CCTV footage would later show that the youth was travelling at a footspeed of 45.3kmp/h, shattering the 44.7 kmp/h record set by Jamaican Olympian Usain Bolt.

“He shot on outta the town like nothing I’ve ever seen before,” said one onlooker, who arrived on the scene just as Gardaí were approaching.

“Gone like that. When I heard later on that he broke the world speed record, it didn’t surprise me. I’d say he’s had a fair amount of practice running away from accidents to be that good”.

The unknown Dundalk sprinter did not hold the record for long, as it was broken later in the day by a 33-year-old man with a smell of drink on him, who rear-ended a squad car in Maynooth.