Disgruntled Employee Cites Lack Of Guns As Only Thing Stopping Him Going On A Murder Spree


AN EMOTIONALLY unbalanced public sector worker has admitted that Ireland’s comparatively strict laws on gun ownership are the only thing keeping him from taking out his entire office in a hail of bullets before shooting himself in the head.

Aidan Browne, who describes himself as a “disgruntled employee”, made the statement this morning to himself as he walked to his job in a county council office.

The revelation comes as news breaks of yet another shooting in America perpetrated by a “disgruntled individual”, albeit a disgruntled individual with easy access to a wide variety of high-powered firearms.

Browne, who just fucking hates his job and everyone in it, lamented the laws prohibiting pistol ownership in Ireland. He then went on to add that if he could just get his hands on an automatic weapon for an hour, he would go “full American”.

“You always hear of a ‘disgruntled employee’ in America going on a shooting spree, as if all you have to be is disgruntled,” said Browne, quietly to himself as he threw stones at pigeons.

“I’ve been disgruntled for years, but because of the gun laws in this country, I just have to put up with it. I’d have to join a gun club and apply for a license just to get a single action shotgun: in America, you just walk into a gunshop to ask for directions and they hand you an assault rifle. It’s not fair”.

With no guns available to him Browne will continue to fantasise about massacring his co-workers daily, while checking Google to see how hard you’d have to throw a stone at someone to kill them.