Escape Plan To Cut Assange Into Pieces And Put Him Back Together Again Ends In Tragedy


A DRAMATIC escape bid to smuggle Wikileaks founder Julian Assange in four separate boxes from the Ecuadorian embassy has ended in tragedy this morning after the surgeons involved failed to put him back together again.

Mr. Assange, who was 44 years old, was reportedly operated on inside the embassy by a team of special surgeons who removed his limbs and head from his torso in an attempt to smuggle him out in four specially designed boxes installed with medical coolers for transporting transplant organs.

“Everything was going okay until the doctors removed his head,” a source explained. “Julian flatlined almost immediately, but the doctors were adamant they could reattach it on the outside once it was frozen to the right temperature.”

Unfortunately for the whistle-blower, his last breath was spent inside the embassy after the doctors failed to show up at the secret predetermined location.

“After an hour we guessed they weren’t coming,” the source later recalled. “I knew there was something funny about their American accents and we should have never trusted them. I think they were CIA. We should have never gone along with the plan.”

Police were called to a London city warehouse at 10am, where they pronounced Mr. Assange dead upon arrival.

The Australian journalist and activist sought asylum in the Ecuadorian embassy in London in 2012 to avoid extradition to Sweden as part of an investigation into Mr. Assange for sexual assault allegations. Mr. Assange had mantained any extradition to Sweden would have eventually been exploited by US authorities.

Scotland yard have begun a full investigation and are calling on anyone who can identify the doctors to come forward.