Gourmet Burgers Actually Just Normal Burgers, Investigation Reveals

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A THREE year undercover investigation into cafes, artisan cafes, ethical cafes, restaurants, dodgy vans and burger ‘joints’ has revealed some startling findings which could have huge implications for the gourmet burger industry.

“We embedded in several establishments which offered gourmet burgers on the menu, we gained the trust of chefs, staff and management and today’s report is the culmination of the work on both brave and dedicated investigators,” Keith Fallon, head of the Irish Food Authority’s special investigation unit.

Fallon, posing as a substandard waiter with tattoos and a haircut, but little aptitude for manners discovered first hand the great gourmet scandal which has rocked the food industry in Ireland.

“They’re just fucking burgers lads,” Mallon explained in an explosive presentation before the media earlier today.

“Honestly, it doesn’t matter if you hug the burger before sticking it on the grill, or if you chuck in some Cajun spices with Wicklow aged giraffe’s Brie. It is what it is, just a burger,” Fallon added, prompting a cry of ‘Judas’ from the back of the room.

Foodies and food bloggers have been left shell-shocked by the revelations, but have confirmed they will continue to hype up simple meals to make them sound as if Christ himself made them.

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