WWN Guide To Perfecting Your Opinion On The Middle East


IT’S hard to know where to start with the Middle East, it’s mad out there. Who’s bad, who’s good (is anyone good?) And sure where is it on the map even? More like Muddle East!

There are so many barriers to forming a coherent and cogent opinion of the unholy mess that one might despair so much as to abandon all hope of having a go-to comment for underneath Journal.ie articles.

Fear not however, as WWN’s Middle East correspondent Jonathan Brisk arms you to the teeth with all you will ever need to perfect that catchall opinion that vanquishes your ignorant rivals.

ISIS. You know this one already so we’ll just leave it at ‘pricks’ and move on.

Where is the Middle East? It’s there, roughly below Russia and all those hard to name ex-Soviet bloc countries and to the right of the northern tip of Africa, but you can lump Tunisia, Egypt and Lybia in as well, Turkey too it’s just easier that way. Behold, the Middle East, so named because West, East proved too confusing.

It’s all the American’s fault, but it’s also not their fault as well.

Some interesting facts worth noting that will come in handy during a pub row, Afghanistan has been invaded more times than the secret supply of biscuits in your mam’s house. There were three Anglo-Afghan wars, that’s a lot now all things considered. They’re also mad for the heroin these days.

The Iranians have agreed to stop trying to build nuclear weapons, which means they’re plotting to start World War III.

Muslims? The Middle East is full of them. It plays home to 100% of the bad kind of Muslims that you’ve probably read about in a headline of a paper that you skimmed. Some Muslims like fighting other types of Muslims – the mind boggles.

The Syrians. The bad Syrians were being fought by the good Syrians, and then the good Syrians were changed back to bad again, so international leaders changed their minds on bombing the whole place. But, basically if you’re Syrian and you have a gun, you’re not to be trusted which is only fair.

God love the Kurdish. Despite the name, they’re very certain about being Kurds and have suffered greatly at the hands of their neighbours ever since Turkish nationalists kicked them out of the land given to them at the end of World War I.

See, it’s all pretty straightforward when you just sit back and look at the facts.

We didn’t even get time to tell you about the Israelis, Christ, the Israelis, that’s for another day. Yemen is all over the gaff at the minute.

But, there it is, all you need to know to form that all important opinion, and for those still struggling simply copy and paste the following to be armed with the definitive opinion to end all opinions:

ISIS American heroin World War III Iranian Syrians.