Gospel Of Jesus’ Wife Contains References To Him Never Taking The Bins Out

SCHOLARS working on a fourth century papyrus manuscript, believed to have been written by the wife of Jesus Christ, have translated several passages which refer to the son of God as “quite lazy”, and “not fond of doing his bit around the house”.

The “Gospel of Jesus’ wife”, which suggests that Christ was married to Mary Magdalene, has been the cause of great controversy since its discovery by a Harvard University professor in 2012. Teams working on translating the passages from Coptic, a form of ancient Egyptian, have used the latest infrared technology to learn as much as they can from the faded words on the fragile papyrus scroll.

In revelations that seem to confirm that the writing does indeed stem from someone who was married to Jesus, as it describes accounts of him not taking the bins out on time, or forgetting to lock the front door at night.

“So you can see this passage, it focuses very much on how little help Jesus was when it came to budgeting the household bills for the year,” said Ernest Moyles, expert on Ancient Egyptian and being married to a nagging wife.

“Then later on, we see how Jesus spent too much time with his Apostles, referred to here as “his playmates”, as if they were all a bunch of kids. We’re still not sure if these accounts come from Mary Magdalene or another woman, but whoever she is, she keeps repeating that she should have listened to her mother’s advice”.