Bus Accident Victim Refused Hospital Treatment Due To Unclean Underwear

A DUBLIN youth who suffered severe injuries after being struck by a bus has been refused admission to the accident and emergency ward at the Mater hospital, due to the fact that he has been wearing the same underwear since Friday of last week.

Paul Morgan, 15, was struck by a Dublin bus as he crossed the road at around 10.45am this morning, receiving injuries which were described by paramedics at the scene as serious but not life-threatening.

Morgan was rushed to the Mater hospital, where staff checked to make sure that his socks and underwear were clean before allowing him on the premises. Although his socks were found to be fresh, his underwear was deemed to be “overly stained”, leading to staff at A&E ordering the young man to “seek help elsewhere”.

“I’ve warned him hundreds of times,” sobbed Morgan’s mother Pamela, who arrived into town to collect her injured son and bring him home.

“Morning and night: be sure to wear clean pants, in case you’re in an accident. But of course, the youth know best, and he ignored me. Look at him now, with a bone sticking out of his leg, getting blood all over the back of my car. No hospital will take him until he’s wearing clean pants, I just hope he doesn’t go into shock until I get him to Penneys”.

The HSE have defended their policy of only treating road traffic accident victims who are wearing clean undergarments, despite opposition from members of protest groups who argue that there is no provisions made for those who leave home wearing spotless undies, but shit themselves on impact.

Minister for Health Leo Varadkar was unavailable for comment.