WORKING out is often a thankless task, besides ensuring you stay healthy, there are absolutely no upsides to a trip to the gym, unless of course you thrive on letting people know you went to the gym, in which case it holds a rare gratification that eclipses all sensory joys including winning the lotto or having sex with someone who is significantly more attractive than you.
However, sometimes it can be hard to work the fact you were at the gym today into conversation. WWN shows you how to make it happen seamlessly so you can bask in the warm glow of self satisfied smugness.
1) At work, or at home, why not reach for a typically sturdy item like, say a cup or mug and simply throw it skywards smashing it into smithereens. This will prompt a ‘why the fuck did you just do that?’ response from any unsuspecting person, allowing you to explain that you hit the weights fairly hard today at the gym and no longer know your own strength.
2) It is nearly your bedtime and you still haven’t found someone to talk about your gym session with? Take to the streets screaming ‘Jim’ at the top of your lungs in an effort to attract the nearest man named Jim. This has proven harder in recent years as no one under the age of 47 is called Jim anymore. But, once you’ve found your local Jim, simply ask him does he spell his name J-i-m or G-y-m ‘because, you see, at my local Gym, where I was earlier today they spell it G-y-m’. This is a foolproof method.
3) While this is an option for the more wealthy, it should still be investigated by all as it’s a sure fire way to alert people to your gym attendance. Taking out a full page ad in the Irish Independent or the Irish Times and a homepage takeover of their websites detailing how you went to the gym will allow you to sleep soundly, knowing the public has been informed.
4) Only wearing sleeveless singlets to work and every conceivable social function, as the wearing of a singlet is famously ill-suited to wear when in the presence of other human beings. Confused by your apparent rejection of decency, self respect and social norms people will have no choice but to ask why you are wearing such a monstrosity, to which you can proudly respond ‘because I was at the gym’.
5) While drastic, many gym users will kick themselves when they realise how obvious this option is. Simply get ‘I went to the gym’ tattooed on your forehead, it’s the easiest way to ensure those close to you will be aware of the fact. The only drawback being that on the days you don’t actually go to the gym, the tattoo’s presence may lead to people mistakenly believing you went on those days as well, and you wouldn’t want that.
6) Make the most of the exposure public events can give you on the occasions you need people to know you went to the gym. Are you giving a best man’s speech soon, or perhaps the eulogy at a family member’s funeral? Seize the opportunity and confirm that yes, uncle Mark ‘would be smiling down on us all from Heaven now, knowing that I went to the gym earlier and did a crazy amount of reps’.