5 Signs Your Asshole Mates Are Getting In The Way Of Your Drinking


YOU know how it goes: you’re out with your friends, and all of a sudden they tell you that it’s the end of the night and that it’s time to go because everywhere is closed. Killjoys, right? The night is over when you pass out, and that hasn’t happened yet! Here’s 5 signs that your dryshite pals are really starting to cramp your style when it comes to downing drink.

1) They don’t want to go drinking mid-week

You get this itch mid-week to go for a feed of drink, so you call up the crew to head into town… but then they start crying about how they have work, and families, and responsibilities so they can’t go! Hmmm… seems like you yourself have work, and a family, and responsibilities, but somehow you can make the time to go for pints twice, maybe three times a week. If they want to stay at home, let them!

2) They don’t want to go drinking in the middle of the day

You make plans to meet up with your pals to get shitfaced at the weekend, but they want to meet in town at 8 o’clock… 8 o’clock? The day is over at that stage! You suggest heading to the pub at 12 in the day so you all can get properly annihilated and not remember anything about your life, but they all want to “pace themselves”. Drinking isn’t a marathon, it’s a sprint. A sprint to forget all the bad things!

3) They never want shots

You call for shots and they’re all like, “No, no shots, we’ve had enough, so have you, quit calling for shots, it’s only two in the day and we’re in Eddie Rockets”. As if there’s a wrong time for shots! Look at your watch, assholes, it’s shots o’clock!

4) They won’t lend you money to buy drink

Oh, they’ll say it’s “for your own good”, and that they’re trying to “help you”, but do you know what would be a really big help? The lend of a tenner until the end of the week, so that you can get cans. Those guys are pricks.

5) They keep telling you that you’ve got a problem

When in actual fact, they’re the ones with the problem! Their problem is that they’re zero craic. You don’t have a problem. You’ve got a a pint in front of you and one on the way. You’re doing fine, champ.