Airline Pilot Admits Not Knowing What Half This Shit Is For

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IN a shocking tell-all interview, the captain of a prominent airline has come clean and admitted that when it comes to the aviation instruments in front of him in the cockpit of any plane he flies, he’s not 100% certain what the half of it does.

Cpt. Simon Koenig, who did not wish to be named, made the stunning revelations while fielding questions from 9-year-old Sam Meehan, who was allowed up into the cockpit of the plane because the turbulence was scaring him.

Meehan, who had stopped crying and was beginning to enjoy his flight to Italy with his parents, posed a number of questions to Cpt. Koenig, including how old do you have to be to go to flying school, and how do you see the ground if the front of the plane is in the way.

Koenig expertly answered all the young man’s queries, but became visibly agitated as Meehan pointed to one dashboard dial after another, asking “what’s that for?”. Eventually the 45-year-old broke down in tears and admitted he hadn’t ‘a fucking breeze’ what most of the cockpit was for.

“I don’t know, OK… I just don’t know,” cried Koenig, wildly gesticulating.

“This meter over here? Not a clue. These switches above my head? They could flush the toilet for all the fuck I know. All I know is how to take-off and land: I pull this wheel up, we go up. Push down, we go down. In fact, I’m fairly sure half this stuff is just here for show”.

Beaten by his interviewer, Koenig banished the young man for the cockpit and put on the “fasten seatbelt” light, which he had clearly marked with masking tape and the words “seatbelts” in black marker.

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