FUTUREWATCH: Every Garda Issued With Gun

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FUTUREWATCH: where we take a glimpse into the Ireland of tomorrow.

This week we journey to March 4th, 2022, three days after every man and woman serving with An Garda Síochána were issued with a 9mm Beretta handgun as part of their basic kit.

March 1st, 9:00am

Rank and file Gardai report to their barracks and are issued their sidearms.

March 1st, 9:05am

Cathal O’Neill, stationed in Ballina, becomes the first reported incident of Garda member shooting themselves in the leg.

March 1st, 11:30am

Nine reported incidents of civilians treated for gunshot wounds after crimes such as loitering or refusing to “stop messing”.

March 1st, 4pm

Practically every person who ever bullied a guard in primary school has been shot and killed.

March 1st, 9pm

Shell’s pipeline to the shore at the Corrib field area finally gets completed following the massacre of up to 2,000 protestors.

March 2nd, 6am

80% of guards reporting for duty admit that they’ve lost their guns, and receive new ones.

March 2nd, 3pm

973 guards have died from a self inflicted gunshot wounds to the femoral artery in the leg. These losses are offset by the 2,000 new recruits who sign up “now that there’s guns”.

March 2nd, 9pm

The entire cache of ammunition has been exhausted: almost 200,000 rounds in total. Fresh supplies are flown in to Shannon on one of the many US military planes passing through.

March 3rd, 10am

Running out of civilians to shoot, gardaí finally start targeting criminals.

March 3rd, 9pm

Michael O’Malley, a sergeant stationed in Clifton, becomes the last person left alive in Ireland.

March 3rd, 11:45pm

Sergeant O’Malley succumbs to a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the leg.

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