Foxhunters To Chase Homeless People Instead


FOLLOWING the failure of a vote to ease Britain’s ban on fox-hunting, the Conservative government has announced a scheme where the elite will be allowed to hunt homeless people instead.

The move is seen as a two-for-one solution to issues surrounding both fox-hunting and homelessness, and will come into effect once legislation is rushed through parliament.

Fox-hunting has been banned in England and Wales since the passing of the Hunting Act in 2004, having already been banned in Scotland in 2002.

Recent attempts by the Government to relax the laws were met with huge opposition from animal cruelty organisations, and by the SNP who claimed they would vote against the motion. With the motion almost certain to be defeated, the Tories called off the vote, claiming they would return to the issue later in the year.

However, sources close to No. 10 have confirmed that the Government intends to simply replace foxes with the most vulnerable members of society.

“We’ll be hunting homeless people solely to thin out their numbers,” said Ian Whattington-Chalmers, speaking exclusively to WWN.

“It’s humane, really. Left unchecked, the homeless population can run rampant, causing untold hassle for ordinary people. We’ll be hunting in 6-dog packs, and of course the homeless people will be given every opportunity to escape unharmed. It wouldn’t be a sport otherwise!”

Whattington-Chalmers went on to describe how homeless people who ran to ground would be dug out, and smacked over the back of the head with a shovel to finish them off.