Shocking Report Finds 1 In 4 British Homes Revisited By Kevin McCloud

A FINAL report from a recent survey carried out in the United Kingdom has found that one quarter of British homes have already been revisited by TV presenter Kevin McCloud, as part of his long-running Grand Designs project which began in 1999.

The shocking figures have called into question a loophole in the Channel Four programme contract, which permits the 56-year-old to revisit any home covered in the series, as many times as he likes.

“It was a great experience at the start,” said Marcus Henry, who featured in episode nine of season four. “But then Kevin kept calling round every few months after we finished the build, insisting on staying for a couple of days. Most of the times he wouldn’t even have his camera crew with him. He’d lounge about picking holes in our design and just basically be an eccentric prick about everything.”

Season nine home builder Thomas Carey told WWN that he too was in ‘constant fear’ of another Kevin McCloud visit, comparing it to a scene from a horror movie.

“My family knows the sound of his car at this stage, so we tend to turn off the lights and hide while he shuffles about outside knocking on doors and windows,” the father-of-three explained. “The kids are usually terrified when he calls as he always whistles the damn theme tune to Grand Designs while lurking about and saying stuff like: ‘still haven’t managed to varnish those skirting boards I see’, or, ‘that metal beam looks terrible there’.

“He’s so eerie. I wish he’d stop calling.”

Channel Four bosses have since apologised for the sinister house-guest, and promised to address the contract clause for next season.

It is estimated that over six million British homes have been revisited by Kevin McCloud over a 16-year period.