937 New Burrito Restaurants Confirmed For Dublin In 2016


THERE was good news on the jobs front today, with the announcement that Dublin city is to open 937 new Burrito restaurants over the next twelve months.

The new cafes, which will be located approximately fifty metres apart throughout the city, will try and meet the insatiable appetite for meat-filled tortilla wraps, which has gripped the population, despite warnings from experts that 937 is not enough by a long shot.

The new establishments have already begun accepting job applications, with many owners laying out the strict standards they expect from their prospective staff.

“If you haven’t got a full-sleeve tattoo, you may want to consider getting one,” said Sean O’Rourke, owner of the ‘Tijuana Cartel’ branch of burrito outlets that will make up 30% of the new restaurants.

“Gauged ears are a must, and an excess of facial hair is essential for male applicants. Regardless of gender, staff at our branches must be able to place a combination of meat and rice into a tortilla wrap while acting as if it’s an applied science, while simultaneously talking to their co-workers about some art documentary they watched on Netflix the night before”.

Staff at all 937 outlets will also be given intensive training in the art of appearing highly stressed at all times, as well as the correct way to roll their eyes when a customer asks them for extras or sides.