James Holmes Arrested After Attempted Escape On Rocket Powered Christmas Tree
POLICE in the US have foiled an attempted escape by James Holmes, the man responsible for the 2012 massacre which saw 12 people killed and 70 injured in a Colorado movie theatre during a screening of The Dark Knight Rises.
Dressed as Batman villain The Joker, Holmes burst into the packed cinema and opened fire with a variety of legally owned weapons, prompting an immediate countrywide ban on dressing up while going to the cinema.
Reports are circulating that Holmes, whose mental health and subsequent culpability in the horrific crime is currently being scrutinised by lawyers in his trial, was apprehended by cops earlier today while straddling a homemade rocket-powered tree and yelling, “so long, losers!”
“We were able to easily capture Mr. Holmes, due to the fact that the rockets on the tree were in fact cardboard tubes from inside toilet rolls” said Sgt. Malcom Holwell, chief of staff at the courthouse where Holmes’ psychiatrist laid out her client’s clear history of mental instabilities.
“We hauled him back into his cell, where hopefully he’ll spend the rest of his life. Unless, of course the ‘guilty by way of insanity’ plea wins, in which case he’ll spend the rest of his days being studied in a psychiatric ward in a bid to understand criminally insane people and prevent further tragedies, robbing the American people of any sense of revenge against him”.
The trial is scheduled to continue after cops have swept the courtroom for traps such as lethal laughing gas, and bombs in the form of wind-up chattering teeth.