84% Of Irish Male Population Now Claiming To Be UFC Fighters


A RECENT survey has revealed that 84% of Irish males describe themselves as UFC fighters despite many of them being unable to lift a finger without incurring a life-threatening stitch.

In response to the question ‘what is your profession?’ 84% of respondents confirmed they were professional UFC fighters, trained in a variety of mixed martial arts and that their collective decision to inexplicably shave the sides of their heads was just a coincidence.

The ascension of mixed martial arts to the position of a hugely popular sport is especially true in Ireland, where fighters such as Conor McGregor and Cathal Pendrad have paved the way for amateurs to become involved, with many having aspirations of joining the UFC.

News that some 84% of Irish men have done just that, has taken much of the public by surprise.

“Yeah training 15 times a week now,” explained UFC fighter Andy Gormley from the bar of his local pub McGee’s, “it’s tough now I have to say,but I knocked clean some lad with a reverse knee jab knockdown,” he explained raising his voice so some women nearby could hear.

“First things first, I got the mop chopped. I didn’t know it, but the UFC have a requirement that you get a shit haircut once you join, so I ran a one blade in a zig zag on me noggin and joined up with a training camp in the Amazonian rain forest for intensive training,” another UFC fighter, Donagh Healy told WWN while lounging on his couch from behind a pile of pizza boxes.

“UFC isn’t just the place I work, it’s a state of mind,” added Donagh’s friend and coworker Noel Twomey, “I try to incorporate my UFC training into everyday life, for example, I always mention it when out on the pull”.

Twomey went on to explain that the black eye he was sporting was the result of a particularly aggressive stare down he gave an opponent and not because he fell under the weight of the bins he was carrying out of his house this morning.

Survey Ireland, who carried out the survey confirm that with the information garnered from this questionnaire Irish people are no more than 6 feet away from a UFC fighter at any given time.