Stormont Flag Clause Sees 6 Counties Back Under Irish Control
A HIDDEN clause in the 1921 Anglo-Irish treaty has stipulated that control of the six counties should now be handed over to the Republic of Ireland after the tricolour was raised over Stormont yesterday afternoon.
In the Articles of Agreement for the Treaty Between Great Britain and Ireland it states: ‘that if any party, whether Irish, English, Scottish or Welsh, managed to somehow raise its flag over the house of Ulster (Stormont), it would inherit the land and rule it for the following thirty years, without question”.
The news of the clause has rattled many Unionists and DUP members in Northern Ireland, spurning pockets of violence across the six counties.
“What! This is ludicrous, you can’t just give a country back because some idiot raised a flag,” said DUP chief whip Peter Weir. “Seriously, this is nuts. There needs to be a full investigation into the matter.”
Unfortunately, the PSNI has declined to investigate the matter, claiming it was out of their jurisdiction as of midnight last night.
“Our hands are tied here,” said PSNI spokesmen David Price. “All we can do is hand it over to the Garda Síochána now. We have no powers here anymore”.
Following the shift in power, thousands of families have already begun making arrangements to relocate to the UK.
“I suppose it was good while it lasted,” said 57-year-old Terry Hatchet, whose family has been part of the Orange order for 200 years. “I’ll miss Northern Ireland, aye. But sure isn’t a change as good as a rest?”
Republicans across the country have taken to the streets to celebrate the peculiar victory, where we spoke to Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams: “Tá ár lá tagtha!” he exclaimed “This is a great day for Irish Republicanism”.
Meanwhile, Finance Minister Michael Noonan was rushed to St. Vincents hospital in Dublin shortly after the news broke and is being treated for heart problems.
“We’ve just inherited six counties and two million people,” a source told WWN earlier. “Mr. Noonan didn’t take that too well. Could you blame him?”