Blatter v FBI To Be Settled With Penalty Shootout


FOLLOWING his shock decision to step down as FIFA president amid claims of corruption, Sepp Blatter has challenged the FBI fraud squad to a penalty shootout in a bid to avoid further investigation.

The challenge, which would see the 79-year-old shoot it out in a best-of-five competition against some of the Federal Bureau’s top soccer players, is said to be the Swiss football administrator’s best chance to avoid a lengthy investigation into claims of widespread illegal activity within football’s governing body.

Blatter resigned this week after fourteen people were indicted in connection with an investigation by the FBI into allegations of bribery and fraud within the top ranks of the organisation.

Despite his resignation, he is still considered by the FBI to be a ‘person of interest’, prompting him to state he will do his “talking on the pitch” before throwing down the penalty shoot-out challenge.

“Blatter is 79, and Swiss, but he’s still a better player than anyone in America,” said Juan Pablo Veronesque, who does a few care-taking nixers around FIFA HQ every now and then.

“He’ll also be doubling up in goals as well, but even with that he should be ok. He’s gotten away with claims of corruption and foul play up until now, so I can’t see something like the biggest scandal to ever hit football bringing him down now. 5-3 to Sepp, easy”.