Blatter’s Acceptance Speech Actually A List Of Gifts He Would Like

DESPITE the arrest of many of his inner circle by the FBI on corruption charges, FIFA president Sepp Blatter was re-elected to a position he held for the past 17 years following the withdrawal of his rival Prince Ali Bin Al-Hussein.

A testament to its inherently corrupt nature, a majority of the world’s football leaders had voted to re-elect the man who has brought unparalleled levels of insidiousness to the game.

Taking to the podium in Switzerland to give his humble acceptance speech, things took a bizarre turn as Blatter, 79, began reading out a list of things.

“Bugatti Veyron, a week in the Bahamas, shares in Apple, a PS4,” Blatter’s speech began to warm applause.

The FIFA leader’s speech went on like this for some 30 minutes, with Blatter believed to be using the high profile setting as an ideal place to tell potential bribers what he would like.

Some FIFA delegates were angered by this, however, as they felt they too were deserving of such a platform on which to advertise their ‘bribery wishlist’.

The official FIFA website has since been amended to list all items and cash sums delegates would require in exchange for votes and favours.

Blatter’s speech did not go uninterrupted as again the FBI arrested a FIFA delegate who proclaimed his innocence despite being made entirely out of gold, purchased with the help of corrupt payments.