Rescue Teams Attempt To Free Man Trapped In The 90s

A TEAM of highly trained rescue staff, specialising in people trapped in the past, are currently attempting to free a Wexford man who is unable to get out of the 90s.

The squad, comprising of a hair and fashion expert as well as music and film buffs will attempt to drag Enniscorthy native Martin Carolan into the current decade, a task which they say will require weeks of delicate work.

Carolan, 37, has been trapped in the 90s since the year 2000, having failed to move on with all of his friends as they embraced the culture and experiences the new millennium brought with it.

The 37-year-old, steadfastly stuck with the hairstyles and clothing that he had worn throughout the 90s, and still counts Eminem and Oasis as his favourite recording artists, listening to ‘What’s The Story Morning Glory’ at least twice a week.

Friends of Carolan put out the distress call to the rescue team, in the hopes that he will be able to be freed from the decade he’s stuck in.

“He’s missing out on so much, sitting at home in his Mam’s house listening to Britpop and watching The Matrix,” said Ian Harding, longtime friend of the trapped man.

“This rescue squad should be able to give him a haircut that doesn’t make him look like Brett Anderson, as well as some clothes other than Ben Sherman shirts. Hopefully this time next week he’ll have been brought up to date. If he’d at least buy an Eminem album that was released after The Marshall Mathers LP, it’d be a start”.

The rescue attempts will be undertaken in a slow, methodical manner, amid fears that rushing too fast could result in a collapse of Nokia chargers and half empty bottles of CK One.