Daily Mail Announces Name Change To Daily ISIS


BRITISH tabloid The Daily Mail and its online publication The Daily Mail Online has announced it will be changing its name from next week.

The newspaper’s editor Paul Dacre explained the new changes at a London press conference this morning.

“The Daily Mail will now change its name to The Daily ISIS as part of our new look which we will be launching in April,” said the 66-year-old. “My decision to re-invent the newspaper comes after careful consideration and feedback from our readers who wish nothing more than to see ISIS related material involving beheadings, immolations and executions and how that is somehow the fault of a middle eastern-looking shopkeeper from Hull”.

Mr. Dacre, who is also the editor-in-chief of dmg media, which publishes the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday and the free daily tabloid Metro, explained that online news reporting is evolving into a more voyeuristic platform and that people’s thirst for blood and violence has become the main port-of-call for the publication, promising more pixilated videos and graphically descriptive content for its ghoul-starved readers.

“We’re just going to give the people what they want,” he said. “Most of our online traffic these days comes from violent and sexual related articles describing despicable human acts of torture and depraved sexual conduct. People love it! This move was a no brainer”.

The paper also announced it will publish a daily 100 page pull out called ‘The Abuser’, which will contain some of the world’s most horrific sexual abuse cases, ranging from child abuse right up to animal bestiality.

“Our top viewed stories are child abuse articles,” he confirmed. “It’s what people like to read. It’s there in the webpage analytics so don’t pretend to get all shocked about the fact. We’re here to sell papers and not lessons in conscience”.

Keeping with tradition, the online version The Daily ISIS Online, promises to still make commentary above each article links on Facebook in a bid to intrigue readers.

“Expect words like ‘disgusting’, ‘horrific’, ‘outrageous’ and ‘gruesome’ to appear on all our stories,” concluded the editor. “We actually employ people to come up with them so it would be a shame to leave them out of a job.”