This Terminally Ill Badger Will Make You Change Your Mind About Justin Bieber Forever!
HEAR us out, we know Justin Bieber technically is so horrid that he deserves the death penalty while being force fed broken glass, but honestly we might be changing our minds about him and it’s all down to a terminally ill badger.
Neville the badger lived a life of wanton merriment until he struck down by a rare cancer normally only found in giraffes. Due to his abnormally long neck for a badger, Neville developed the esophageal cancer normally found in giraffes as it was discovered during a routine exam at the vet.
After several months of state of the art methods of crossing their fingers and hoping, the vet and her staff were astonished to find that Neville’s cancer had completely disappeared just last week.
What? How? Why? Why are you still reading about a badger that had cancer? Because Justin Bieber, world renowned waste of sperm, came to the rescue. Vet Teresa Jackson explains.
“Some things are beyond the comprehension of modern science, and in this case we have Justin Bieber to thank,” Jackson explained as she stared at a newly erected Justin Bieber poster, which sees in the throes of becoming newly erect.
“Just when we got the results back the office radio was playing one of Justin’s songs, can’t remember which one, and we just knew it was down to him,” confirmed Jackson.
Does Bieber even like badgers? Who knows. Would he try to copulate with a badger given half the chance and subsequently murder it? Most definitely, which makes his decision to save Neville all the more extraordinary.
Neville incredibly placed his hand on a picture of Bieber when sedated by Jackson, she picked him up and moved his paw up to touch the poster. A heartwarming acknowledgement from Neville for all Bieber did for him.
It might seem at first reading that this doesn’t have anything to do with Bieber, but when you think about it; these things matter. Things with only the smallest, almost infinitesimally vague connection with a celebrity matter, and so we wish Neville a speedy recovery and hope Justin forgives us and most importantly you, for your rash judgement of him.