Apple Watch Set To Revolutionise The Way People Ignore Each Other


INDUSTRY experts are predicting that the brand new smartwatch unveiled by Apple yesterday will totally change the way people ignore each other when it launches in April.

The device, known simply as the Apple Watch, will host a range of exciting features which will enable users to cocoon themselves in their own little world, avoiding interaction with fellow human beings.

Train journeys, meals with the family, and post-coital conversations will all be affected by the owner’s complete fascination with the watch, which was showcased at a glitzy media event in San Francisco yesterday afternoon.

Boasting an 18 hour battery life, the Apple Watch will cut down on the amount of time the owner will have to face real life – to a mere 6 hours a day.

With a range of straps that one grown man described as “comfy”, the watch’s stunning 48mm screen will allow access to all major social networks, allowing you to interact with digital representations of friends and loved ones, without the hassle of actual contact.

“I know we keep fucking saying this, but this changes everything,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook, in a posting last night on his blog, ‘Cooking Apple’, “This is a whole new way to ignore those around you; from friends you’ve known for years, to strangers trying their best to reach out to you.”

The Apple Watch will be available with a range of straps and finishes, with prices ranging from $349 for entry-level narcissists, to $17,000 for complete sociopaths.