Couple All Geared Up For Perilous Expedition Around Their Local Park

A DUBLIN couple has begun final preparations for this afternoon’s 1.5 mile walk around their local park, with no expense being spared to ensure they complete the trek without falling victim to any unforeseen challenges.

Martin and Laura Hanlon, from Drumcondra, spent upwards of four hours planning their route, and another two hours getting dressed, making sure to wear high-visibility vests over their North Face jackets and Under Armour vests.

The duo made sure to wear UV-resistant wraparound shades to combat the searing mid-morning sun, and both wore a fleeced hat to ensure their scalps would not be blown off their skulls by the harsh gales that sweep across the Glasnevin tundra.

With a trekking pole in each hand to help them traverse the treacherous tarmac surfaces they would encounter on their 45 minute journey, the brave souls set out on their walk, pausing for half an hour at the beginning of the route to stretch their calves repeatedly while standing on a traffic island.

“It is a far braver thing they do than I have ever done,” wept Conor Mallon, a passing truck driver who watched the couple begin their epic journey. “Just look at them go, defiantly driving those trekking poles into the ground and drawing as much walking power out of their arse muscles as they can.

“These are not mere humans content with the comforts of their lives; these are pioneers, setting forth into the void… champions, Kings among us,” he added.

After spending a lengthy period in a hyperbaric chamber to regulate their breathing, the Hanlon’s made it back to their base camp outside their home on Griffith Avenue, before retiring inside where they enjoyed a hero’s reward of a cup of tea and a sit down.