Earth Narrowly Avoids Serious Injury Following Collision With Harrison Ford


THE Earth was today being treated for serious but not life-threatening injuries, after it was involved in a head on collision with Harrison Ford on Thursday afternoon.

The veteran planet had been circling the Sun when it strayed into the path of Ford, who was piloting a vintage two-seater fighter plane around the Los Angeles area, because that’s what he does on a Thursday.

Tiring of being in the air, Ford, famous for his portrayals of Indiana Jones and Han Solo, made the decision to stop circling around and to instead fly directly at a spot on a golf course.

Despite yells from Ford for the Earth to “get out of the God damn way”, the planet was unable to shift off its axis in time to avoid the head-on collision.

“The Earth was pretty shook up when Harrison slammed into it,” said Eva Martinez, who had been on the golf course at the time.

“It was treated for minor lacerations and a pretty nasty fracture to the upper mantle. Mr. Ford was led away by attendants who were on the golf course at the time, and he was pretty pissed about the incident… I’m fairly sure I heard him yell at the Earth to ‘watch where the fuck it was going’ next time”.

Although badly shaken by the accident, the Earth is expected to make a full recovery over the coming weeks. Meanwhile, Ford was rushed to a nearby hospital so that doctors could perform tests to determine how a 72-year-old man can somehow still be the hardest bastard on the planet.