Hundreds Of Senior Citizens Injured In Clashes With Gardai Over Pink Snack Shelving


IN WHAT has been quoted as the most violent clash on Dublin streets since the St. Patricks day riots in 2008, hundreds of senior citizens battled Gardai in riot gear over the discontinuation of Cadbury’s Pink Snack bar.

Armed with walking frames and knitting needles, a large group of elderly men and women attacked emergency response teams on O’Connel bridge, forcing the city into lockdown.

Traffic is currently at a standstill in the city centre where Gardai and ambulance sirens echo through the now bloodied streets.

“They came out of nowhere.” recalled one eyewitness, who was run over by a man on passing mobility scooter. “Some people had to jump off the bridge into the Liffey to escape. No one knew what they were chanting at first. Then I seen the pink snack banner.”

Cadbury’s chocolate announced yesterday that they will be discontinuing their Pink Snack bars due to a dip in sales, despite the age-old chocolate covered wafer still being hugely popular with the over 50’s.

Sources on the scene claim there were at least six thousand OAP’s gathered outside Leinster house, before making their way to the city centre in a bid to disrupt traffic. Several Gardai arrived on the scene, before being told to “fuck back to Store Street” by the ring-leader of the group.

“There was this nice looking old man with a megaphone.” explained one member of the Gardai. “The minute he opened his mouth we were all shocked. The things he was saying you wouldn’t hear in a building site. He called us all culchie pigs and said to go guard some water meter somewhere.”

Back up was called in and Gardai wearing full riot gear were deployed at the scene, but this did not deter the blue rinsed crowd.

“I think it antagonized them even more.” said local shop owner Mohammed Keane. “They just saw red and charged at the police. One male Garda fell while running away. It was like a scene from a nature documentary. They just devoured him on the ground. The rest of the Gardai kept running for their lives. They were too scared to help him.”

Following the clashes, over 234 senior citizens were admitted to local hospitals across the city, and a further 467 Gardai.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny has since called for calm, claiming the violence was unnecessary, stating that the Pink Snack bar was nothing more than a poor mans Kit Katt.