If Your Hand Covers Your Face You May Have Cancer, Finds Playground Study


A STUDY carried out in a Waterford city school playground today has found that if your hand covers your face, you may have some form of untreatable cancer.

Bobby Tracey, second class pupil and head researcher, claimed that out of 12 classmates who took part in the study, almost 3 had hands big enough to cover their face, thus proving they must have, or will get some form of cancer.

“Timmy Ryan, Jason Baker and Harry Moran all have cancer,” he said. “So I made sure to slap them extra hard when they checked”.

The detailed study, which requires the researcher to slap the subject during the checkup, first came to light in the early eighties and has been carried out in almost every Irish primary school in the country.

However, many who have taken part in the study have doubted its credibility.

“My face hurts really bad now,” said one child, who began crying like a big girl’s blouse. “My nose is bleeding. It must be the cancer! I’m going to die.

“Mammy!” he later added. “Mammy!”

So far, almost 200 of the 587 pupils in the Waterford Primary school have proven positive for the dreaded disease.