Parents Totally Not Just Baptising Child To Get It Into A Good School


THE Kildare parents of a newborn baby girl have today confirmed that they intend to have their daughter christened because they both totally love Catholicism and not for any other reason, such as ensuring a place in the local Primary school.

Thomas and Maria McQuillan, from Naas, have organised to have their daughter Lilly baptised this Sunday at their local church, which they have religiously attended for the past six weeks so that the priest would see they’re all about God and are absolutely going to continue to attend weekly services for the rest of their lives.

Although the vast majority of schools in Ireland have affiliations with the Catholic church, the newly-devout McQuillan family has stressed that getting Lilly enrolled at the local primary school is not their sole purpose for getting her indoctrinated into an organisation with a shaky-at-best history of child relations.

“Get our daughter into the local Catholic primary school? Well, if it happens, it happens,” said Thomas McQuillan, while cutting the price tag off his brand new set of rosary beads.

“Me and my wife, we’re big into God. Can’t get enough of that guy. We just want our daughter to be as Catholic as we are, and we promise to reject Satan and all that shite too. And hey; if being a Catholic gets Lilly a place in Naomh Mhuire school so that I don’t have to drive 24 miles every morning to get her to a non-religious primary school, then that’s just God rewarding us for y’know, praying to him all the time”.

In addition to baptising their 5-month old daughter, the McQuillan’s also intend to have her attend First Communion when the time comes, so she can wear a pretty dress like all the other girls at school and not feel left out.