Report Confirms Drop In Number Of Women Being Left On The Shelf

NEW figures released today show a significant drop in the amount of women being left on the shelf, with many experts suggesting that if trend continues, the shelf may be completely empty by 2020.

The numbers are in stark contrast to those from before the turn of the century, where the shelf was found to be teeming with singletons, spinsters, old maids and oddballs.

It is believed that an easing of the strict “best before” dates on women have lead to the plunge in shelf-dwellers, with many people now currently unsure as to what age a woman should be before she gives up on finding someone to spend her life with and accepts her place on the shelf, also known as the ledge of dying alone.

“Up until the mid-eighties, the accepted age for a woman to be placed on the shelf was 25,” said Dr. Ian Kearns, who conducted the latest study.

“That band has broadened in the past 30 years, expanding to 35 by the year 2000. Currently, there is no cutoff date for a woman to stop looking for love and allow herself to be shelved. We’ve been hearing reports of people over 50 settling down with partners, which really skewed our data altogether”.

Adding to the decline of women left on the shelf was a report which suggests that if a woman says she is happy being single, she probably isn’t lying, however, those women wishing for people to believe that they are content with their own company must undergo strenuous testing to make sure they aren’t just putting a brave face on it.