Public Set To Violently Overthrow Government If They Up The Price Of Drink


THE Irish public has reacted angrily to news that the Government will move to increase the minimum price of alcohol in this country.

While no measures to combat the scourge of alcohol abuse in Ireland has been taken as of yet, much of the Nation has decided to put in place the foundations of a violent and unmerciless coup against the Government.

“Sell my first born to pay off the country’s debts – fine, don’t pay Magdalene survivors the compensation you promised – that’s all fine, but if you even think about making me buy a can for €2.20 I’ll rip your fucking balls off and feed them to you,” said Andrew Mullens, head of the Not A Fucking Chance pressure group against the increase in alcohol pricing.

Those opposed to the increase have said the issue of alcohol in Ireland is incredibly complex, but no potential measures should stop an individual getting gee-eyed for less than a tenner.

Andrew together with thousands of others have recently become armed and have stated their intent to overthrow the Government if any increase in pricing occurs. The Public Health (Alcohol) Bill is expected before the Oireachtas this summer, but it is presumed a coup will occur long before that.

While at first the Government where said to be unconcerned with the Not A Fucking Chance organisation, latest figures suggest its membership now numbers 1.5 million.

Gardaí intelligence has also revealed the paramilitary force successfully imported 180,000 machine guns from the Middle East this morning.

“They’re not fucking about, they mean business. We moved Minister Varadkar to a safe location in America at first dawn,” explained a Garda spokesperson. WWN sources suggest the remainder of the cabinet are hiding in a secure bunker under Leinster House cuddling together for warmth.