Toddler Fed Nuggets And Chips For 4th Time This Week Probably Nothing To Worry About


PARENT Jack Thompson’s decision to feed 3-year-old son, Mark, chicken nuggets and chips for the fourth time this week is probably nothing to worry about, he assured himself following a busy morning doing his weekly dole shopping.

The unemployed plasterer, whose wife works part-time in a local taxi rank, dismissed the niggling voice in his head while dishing up the delicacy to the eagerly awaiting toddler, who spent the last five minutes demanding “red sauce”.

“It’s the only thing he likes to eat,” the stay-at-home-dad repeated to himself, as he furiously tapped the end of the Lidl ketchup bottle, forcing its remaining lumpy contents onto the child’s plate. “He loves salmon too, but unfortunately we can’t afford that as it’s nearly five euros for two small portions.”

“At least he’s getting the calories in, and that’s all that matters”.

After spending almost 50% of his weekly €183 dole on shopping and the rest on fags and booze, the father of five carefully put away the messages into the empty kitchen press, counting up the cost of each item as they went in.

“Why is all the good food so expensive?” he asked himself, while checking the price of Birdseye potato waffles before sticking them in the freezer. “No wonder everyone on the dole is so obese”.

Taking a well deserved break to light a 50 cent cigarette, the 38-year-old urged his son to eat up his chips, as he claims will make him big and strong like his 18 stone daddy.

“What’s wrong, are the nuggets frozen in the middle again?” he muttered over the ever increasing wheeze of his lungs. “If you don’t eat them up you won’t get big muscles, like me.”

“No gaggy.” the child replied sheepishly. “I had guggets yesterday.”

“I’d say you’re just tired is all.” Thompson replied, unaware he was now blowing smoke in his son’s face. “It’s beddy byes now so daddy can watch some TV”.

The toddler then attempted to explain how hungry and tired he was but was drowned out by the television show, Doctors, which had a really interesting piece on obesity.