WWN Guide To Mercy Killing Your Family If Gay Marriage Becomes Legal

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WITH the looming threat of same-sex marriage becoming part of everyday life in the near future, many Ordinary Decent People (TM) may be wondering how they’ll cope with the devastating impact this will have on their lives.

With Wholesome Family Values (TM) set to be obliterated by Gay couples joining together in matrimony, many people have decided to do the honourable thing and euthanise their entire families if same-sex marriage is written into the constitution following the referendum in May. To facilitate an easy transition into the blissfully gay-free afterlife, we at WWN offer this simple 5-step guide to killing your loved ones to spare them from the nightmare of a world where gay and lesbian people have the same rights as everyone else.

1) Make Sure And Get The Order Right

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It is imperative when killing your family that you start with those least capable of killing themselves, before working your way up to yourself. Make sure that younger children are successfully dead before moving on to older kids, then you and your spouse finish off each other. Leaving your children alive after you die may lead to them being snapped up by newlywed gays, who will adopt them in order to claim tax benefits while subjecting them to the sounds of non-stop 24/7 butt fucking, which is what they’ve planned all along!

2) Dispose Of Your Carcasses

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Public services will be stretched beyond belief immediately after Same-Sex marriage gets written into law, as society crumbles around us. With thousands of families choosing death over living in a world where men can marry their uncles in order to claim free dental care from the state, there may not be anyone to bury you or your loved ones after you go. So be helpful; bury your children before killing yourself, and if at all possible, leave as little work as possible for whoever has to clean you up. Perhaps lie in an open grave and somehow hang yourself?

3) Explain Why You’re Doing What You’re Doing

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Kids, especially young kids, may not understand why Mummy and Daddy want them to drink the glass of “special medicine” that “Santy told them they had to drink”, so it’s important to sit them down and explain what’s going on. Children are more tuned in to what their parents say than you may think; it’s very possible that they already have a fear or hatred of homosexuals which they got from just listening to you on a daily basis, so it won’t be that big of a leap to convince them that the gays have ruined the world and you were all better off in the sweet cold embrace of the heterosexual clay.

4) Burn Your Goddamn House To The Fucking Ground

As your final act of defiance against your new Homoverlords, be sure to leave nothing behind for them to get their greedy gay hands on. If the referendum passes, gay people who love each other will already have the same rights to marriage that you have, so what more do they want? Your car? Your house?! All your old DVDs? Make sure those bastards don’t have a chance to loot your home by burning it to the ground along with everything you own. If you have a garden, pour used motor-oil over it. Harvest your crops and throw them in a river. Rub salt into the earth, so nothing will ever grow on it again, then put a gun to your head and let the breeze whistle through you.

5) Act Quickly Before Someone Tries To Change Your Mind

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Should same-sex marriage become legal after the referendum in May, there will be those who attempt to convince you that it doesn’t affect you or your life in the slightest; it is important that you remain steadfastly against this belief, and do what’s best for you and your loved ones. People will argue that what two people, be they gay or straight, do with their own lives has absolutely no impact on you, and you should just continue living your life. These people are obviously under the influence of the sneaky gays! Waste no time, and get yourself off this gay planet before it goes to gay hell!

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