Boko Haram Massacre: Who Wore What?


Combat fatigues and black headgear were out in front at this weekend’s Boko Haram massacre in the small Nigerian town of Baga, where a band of the vicious fighters decimated the population while dressed in some of the latest military fashions.

Dark greens and browns are no-brainers for the average member of the militant Islamic movement while butchering up to 2,000 women, children, and sick people, but which members of the  brutal regime made the biggest noise during the bloodiest week in recent Nigerian history?

Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau, shown here making one of his trademark hate-filled rants, stunned onlookers by ordering his loyal-to-the-death troops to sweep into Baga and kill every living thing they laid eyes on, all while wearing a stunning combination of jungle-print coveralls dressed with a hat reminiscent of a brown iced gem. With a patterned scarf to match, this despotic diva stunned the world with his combination of fashion awareness and utter ruthlessness.

Eschewing traditional combat attire, this Boko Haram fighter opted instead for a green one-piece reminiscent of the scrubs worn by a surgeon… ironically, later that day he machine-gunned a house full of elderly and sick people to death! This is one terrorist who isn’t afraid to carve his own niche into military fashion!

Making a daring statement with this little black number, this Boko Haram heavy machine-gunner made quite the statement when he rolled into Baga, firing indiscriminately at anything that moved. Anticipating a long stay in Baga while the terror group fortified their position, this animal dressed for comfort as well as style! Unfortunately the same can’t be said for the other members of the group in the picture! Wearing sandals to a massacre? Oh lads!

After any other massacre, we would say this mujaheddin was the most stylish man in Nigeria! Unfortunately for him, we snapped him wearing the EXACT SAME OUTFIT while kidnapping 300 schoolgirls and forcing them into slavery last year! The media may have forgotten, but we haven’t! AWKWARD!!

We get what this fucking bastard was going for, but come on guy! Pick a colour and stick with it! The orange headscarf clashes with the blue line-pattern on his top, which is made even worse by the khaki shirt which is at least two sizes too big. Eh, hello? Did you not know you were going to a massacre this weekend? Put a bit of effort in! Granted, media organisations didn’t bother to give this weekend’s atrocity much coverage, but you never know when they might! Do you want to show up on page nine of some newspaper, or in a two-minute segment of Sky News at three in the morning looking like THAT?!?