Roy Keane To Be Visited By Three Ghosts On Christmas Eve

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FORMER Cobh Ramblers midfielder and current Republic Of Ireland assistant manager Roy Keane is to be visited by three ghosts on Christmas Eve, in a last ditch attempt to save the irritable Irishman’s soul from eternal damnation.

Keane, was in the news this week following a trademark hot-tempered outburst in which he allegedly attempted to confront Tom Cleverley over reports that the Aston Villa player leaked training ground stories to the media which painted Keane in a bad light.

Following the tense scenes outside Cleverley’s house, it is believed that Keane went home for a sleep, at which point he was visited by the ghost of his old manager, Nottingham Forest’s Brian Clough.

“Brian is trying to get Roy to live his life as a more rational, even-tempered football manager,” said sources close to the spirit of Clough.

“In order to see the help him see the error of his ways, Keane will be visited on Christmas Eve by three ghosts; the Ghost of Keane Past, Present and Future. These spirits will show Roy what will become of him if he doesn’t settle the head a wee bit”.

Although details are sketchy, football pundits have surmised that the Ghost of Keane Past will bring the Corkman back to his roots to show Keane how he went from being a Mayfield lad who loved nothing but to play football, to being the ‘midfield general’ who powderised Alf-Inge Haaland over an assumed insult.

The Ghost of Keane Present will highlight the perception of Keane by today’s footballing press, showing him how most people think he’s at best an unpredictable liability to any team he attaches himself to, and at worst a traitor to Irish football who shouldn’t be allowed to watch Ireland play let alone be actively involved in it.

Finally, the Ghost of Keane Yet To Come is expected to display a future where Keane’s legacy is in tatters, following the release of his sixth autobiography in which he tells people what he really, really thinks about them, with no holding back this time.

Although the intention is for Roy to awake on Christmas morning with a new-found love for the game of football, as well as a more rational thought process when dealing with the general public as well as his peers, sources close to Keane are expecting the three visitations to make fuck all difference.

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