WWN Event Guide

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DUBLIN

Adopt a leftover protester drive carries on throughout the weekend. Following the large turnout at last week’s water charges protest, many protesters have failed to return home, some have become feral. Families are encouraged to get down to Merrion Sq. in Dublin and if they like the look of one of the adorable upstarts, they are asked to adopt them.

WATERFORD

Paddy Bronwe’s Pub has done it again! The live music continues with Bob Dylan stopping by with support from Bruce Springsteen. Tickets are €10 at the door and €8 when you book online. Management would like to point out that due to complaints at previous gigs by Coldplay, Rihanna and Nicki Minaj that people with poor eyesight claiming that it’s not actually Bob Dylan will be thrown out.

DUBLIN

Not So Funderland returns to the outskirts of the city as a rival to the exhilarating thrill-fest that is Funderland. For those of a nervous disposition who delight in nothing more than calming, slow and inoffensive roller coasters Not So Funderland is the place for you! Incredibly boring, but safe rides like Slight Heart Rate Increaser will delight Dublin crowds for a 10th year in a row. Entry is a very reasonable €5. Not So Funderland is distinct from its rivals as the amusement operators all have their own teeth and aren’t missing an eye.

LOUTH

The County Council would like to put on record its disappointment following its failure to come up with anything decent for people to do this weekend.

CARLOW

This week sees the first appearance of ‘FUCKING CLASS!’ While the details are not clear as of yet it is believed Johnny Murphy was on to Clare Healy on the Whatsapp and there’s something going on down the town on Saturday between 2pm-6pm. Early indications are it might involve getting high off some aerosols. Admission is free.

CORK

This weekend marks the first annual ‘Voice of Cork’ competition. Over 4,000 entrants will participate in this competition which seeks to find the most ‘Cork’ pronunciations of words such as ‘like’, ‘langer’, ‘beour’, ‘I will ya’, ‘boy’, ‘Setanta Ó hAilpín’ and ‘Roy Keane’. The winner will be given the freedom of the city and a trip up to Dublin which they will politely decline.

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