Local Man Trying His Best To Hide Pain After Pinching Itchy Testicle Too Hard


A LOCAL man traveling on the bus home from work was left reeling in absolute pain this afternoon after accidentally pinching his testicle too hard in a bid to alleviate an itch.

Mark Dunne, of 23 Harold’s Close, Wexford town, said he first tried to ignore the itchy bollock as an elderly lady was sitting in the seat behind him.

“I tried squeezing my legs together to stop it, but she coped and probably thought I was a pervert or something,” explained Dunne, who wished to remain anonymous. “She eventually got up to get off at her stop, so I went straight to my crotch with my index and thumb.

“I sourced the location of the itch and then pinched my ballsack”.

Unbeknownst to the father of none, he accidentally pinched a vein too hard, forcing a high pitched squeal from his larynx.

“The fucking pain of it,” he recalled. “I was expecting blood and everything. It was so sharp and stinging, I nearly cried”.

It is understood Mr. Dunne took several minutes to himself before attempting to stand up from his bus seat.

“To make it worse, me micky was stuck to my leg too, so I must have looked like a right fucking weirdo getting off the bus.”

In 2013, over 4,000 men were admitted to hospital for pinch related injuries to their scrotum.

Doctor Conor Daly of Cork University Hospital explains the dangers of such manoeuvres on the male reproductive organs: “Pinching one’s testicle as a form of scratching can lead to blood clots in the penis over time. Last year alone, we had at least three cases where the penis had to be removed.

“If a testicle is itchy; one should scratch it normally using their fingernails, and not pinch it through the pants material – as it is harder to judge the pressure being placed on the blood vessels,” he concluded.