Hairdresser Insists On Telling Customers Her Entire Life Story



CUSTOMERS awaiting a quick cut and blow dry at their local hairdressers were left frustrated by the long wait at the Cut Above hair salon this morning.

Owner and hairdresser Yvonne Lyons regularly takes close to 40 minutes to cut a quite obviously balding man’s hair despite little need for effort beyond a one blade all over.

Kevin McGinn spent much of this morning trapped in a chair with Yvonne hovering over him with a sharp scissors while discussing in detail the lives of her three children as well as her latest bowel movement which was, she confessed, ‘a bit bulky’.

“And sure Ryan doesn’t be coming in ’till all hours, he has the girls heartbroken left, right and centre. The spit of his father too, you wouldn’t believe it. Only seems like yesterday he was coming to me crying about his wet dream,” Yvonne rambled to Kevin sitting in the chair, while forgetting to even up his sideburns.

“It seemed impolite to tell her I couldn’t give a bollocks about her children and that I just want my hair cut with minimal shite talk,” Kevin told WWN upon exiting Cut Above just 89 short minutes after first entering the premises.

“I always say I’ll go to a different place, but Cut Above is just around the corner from mine and there’s always the chance she isn’t working,” he added regretfully.

Concern was expressed for student Michael Bingham, who was last in the queue with a projected waiting time of 4 hours due to Yvonne’s passion for wearing the ear of everyone.

Michael, is one of many Irish men who suffer from ‘hair cut awkwardness’, meaning he has little desire or aptitude for the small talk associated with chatting to a barber or hairdresser.

Despite a serene expression on the exterior, Michael was paralysed by fear as he drew closer to having his hair cut by a chatty Yvonne.

“I’m fairly fucking shitting it now to be fair,” Michael told WWN, “I’ve had to listen to her holiday stories while waiting here and I’m scrambling for good conversational points but I’m coming up empty,” he added while sweating profusely.