Noonan Pulls All-Nighter After Realising Budget Is Due Tomorrow
MINISTER for Finance Michael Noonan is to work all night in a desperate attempt to get Budget 2015 completed for tomorrow, having procrastinated for the entire Summer.
This year’s budget is expected to ease the burden on struggling families after years of savage cuts and austerity, while still meeting EU deficit targets for the year. There are hopes that programmes will be put in place for social housing and job creation, although all of this is now in jeopardy if Mr. Noonan doesn’t pull the finger out.
The minister, who knew the date for handing in the budget was creeping up on him, was shocked to hear that the fiscal report will be due tomorrow. Noonan was eating his toast while listening to the Ian Dempsey Breakfast Show, when a news report informed him that there was one day left to complete the project.
After being turned down by the Taoiseach after appealing for an extension, Mr. Noonan is to begin cramming like never before in an attempt to have the country’s financial road-map for the next year ready to be read out in the Dáil chambers in less than 24 hours.
“He’s always leaving these things ’til the last minute,” said Mrs. Angela Noonan, Michael’s mother, during a press conference today. “I’ve been on to him for months; when are you starting that budget? Have you the budget finished yet? How far on are you with that budget… he’d always give the same answer; ‘Ah Mam, I’ll do it soon, it hasn’t to be in for ages’…. Well, he changed his tune this morning”.
Mr. Noonan is expected to go through older budgets to see if there’s anything he can copy to save time, and begin work on Budget 2015 as soon as he downloads a copy of Microsoft Excel. The minister will attempt to stay awake throughout the night in an effort to get the project finished, and has purchased a 6 pack of Lidl-brand energy drink to help accomplish this.