“Fuck It, Gimme A Steak” – Morrissey



FORMER Smiths frontman and hardcore vegetarian Morrissey has stunned the world by gorging himself on a massive steak dinner while eating out with friends in London, during a break from his current European tour.

The “Charming Man” singer, who infamously once equated meat-eaters to paedophiles and stated that there was no difference between an abattoir and a Nazi concentration camp, reportedly browsed the menu of a swanky Soho restaurant for the vegetarian option before throwing the menu in the air and exclaiming “fuck it, gimme a steak”.

The stunning development comes in the wake of Morrissey’s announcement that he had received treatment in recent weeks for an as-yet-undisclosed health issue, and has led many people to believe that the Irish Blood, English Heart singer may be undergoing what is referred to as “vegetarian’s remorse”.

“Vegetarian’s Remorse can strike during a health scare”, sad Dr. Khomani Almarr, chief dietician at the Royal London Hospital. “People who exclusively eat vegetables are generally much healthier than their carnivorous counterparts, so when they fall ill, they take it pretty bad. They can then develop a “fuck it” mentality and start eating all the meat they can get their hands on”.

“A similar phenomenon can be witnessed by non-smokers who develop lung cancer, who will take up smoking almost straight away, and non-drinkers with liver issues who start downing Tesco vodka by the litre”.

Following his 20oz extra-rare Sirloin dinner, Morrissey polished off a basket of hot wings and a half-rack of baby back ribs, before stopping off at a kebab hut later in the night for a lamb/chicken mixed doner, amid swarms of messages wishing him a speedy recovery and a return to his former unhappiness as soon as possible.