New Take That Line-Up Finally Confirms Which One Is Howard



FOLLOWING the departure of band member Jason Orange, the new line up of popular boy band Take That will finally allow people to pinpoint just which one is Howard Donald.

Orange, who quit the band earlier this week after realising he couldn’t be bothered with it any more, had often been mistaken for his fellow band member Howard, with even die-hard fans of the group occasionally struggling to tell which one was which.

The departure of Williams from the line-up in 1995 achieved nothing in terms of telling between Jason and Howard, but music experts believe that by Jason removing himself from the band altogether, fans will be able to pick Howard out of the mix with a much greater degree of certainty.

“Whether as a five-piece or a four-piece, people have always had great difficulty knowing who was who in Take That” said Martin Brody, DJ and Take That historian.

“Gary, Mark and Robbie have always been fan favourites, but Howard and Jason just kinda merged together into one scruffy haired breakdancing beanpole. As the band confirms they are moving forward as a three-piece, it’ll be very easy to tell which one is Howard. He’s the one that isn’t Mark or Gary”.

Statisticians have confirmed that the continued existence of Take That as a trio yields the best possible chance for each individual member of the group to be recognised, with any other combination only leading to renewed confusion.

“You can’t have two band members that people get confused by, in the same group, ” said Marrissa Kettingham, spokesperson for Take That.

“This is why as a four-piece, Take That struggled during live television interviews; you can literally see the host struggling to remember which one was Jason and which one was Howard, and instead opting to aim questions at the other guys”.

“But when the band dissolved in 1995 and you had all five members independent of each other, people still couldn’t tell who was Jason and who was Howard. This is not a new thing; there was never a line-up of the Jackson Five where it was instantly obvious which one was Tito and which one was Jermaine”.

The streamlined Take That will release their new album early next year, while Jason Orange has announced that he intends to enjoy his slow, relaxing slide into obscurity.